i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
