are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
