I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
