One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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