What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
