my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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