I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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