dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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