i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
