If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
