So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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