Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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