She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
