Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
