I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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