...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
