my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So. Much. Porn.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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