Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
