We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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