i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
