I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
