if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
