Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
