Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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