It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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