Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
