Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
