We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
