I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
