so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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