i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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