Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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