She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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