i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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