Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
