walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
