so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
