so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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