i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
