If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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