I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
