She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My penis needs a shock collar
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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