i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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