she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
