you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
