Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There r osticjed everywhere
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
