apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
