fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
