i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
