Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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