3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
