forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
