I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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